A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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