You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
