I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
