Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
