White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
