You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
