Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
