awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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