I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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