I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
