Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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