The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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