when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
