how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
