I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
