I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
