My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Congratulations! We have a period
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