So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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