Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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