Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
