plz talk dirty to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
