Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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