Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
