He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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