God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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