There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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