recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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