i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
