just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize