I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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