so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
