Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
