He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
