Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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