just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
