Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
