I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
