after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize