Porn is love you can see.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
