so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
