you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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