It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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