its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
