Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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