I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
