i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
