Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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