Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
