I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
