In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
