That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
