Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
