weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
