I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
