Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
