i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
