five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
