I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
