The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
