am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize