You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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