woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
