I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
