My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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