Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
