I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
