i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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