hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
