the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
