Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
