woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
