I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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