goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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