I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize