I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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