Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
