Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
