I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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