I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
