and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
