So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize