i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
