worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize