you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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